One Month Down...

I’ve been out of it with the whole blogging scene lately. So here is a recap of my first month of my last spring semester as an undergrad. The classes, shall I say, are pointless. They are almost all electives, and I know that they are supposed to make my education more rounded but I find them to be inconsequential. I miss my lit classes. I miss reading the classics, but it is nice to be able to read a book just for fun. I haven’t been able to do that since summer. The classes that I HAVE to take are full of little freshman that still have the scared shitless look on their faces. Been there, done that. I am fortunate to have a few fellow seniors in class with me that are going through everything that I am.  Why should I have to take a geography class? We are watching Planet Earth, I can do that at home… in my pajamas. It is a waste of my time and I am not happy about it. Hmmm… what other class do I find to be pointless, let’s see Medieval Civilization? Yes, I find this class to extremely boring. The professor is somewhat monotone and doesn’t seem to know any of the answers to the questions that are brought up in class. Here is a piece of advice; if you are going to teach a course then you need to know more than your students. Maybe I am just suffering from a combination of Idontgiveafuckitis and senioritis, but I am not a fan of this semester. The only perk of my day is being able to see some of my friends. These people have become such an important factor in my life and I don’t know how I would have gotten through school without them.



Checking In

Here I am, two weeks into my weight loss and I have great news. I have lost nine, count them, nine pounds! I don’t expect this kind of loss every weigh in but boy do I feel great! I have taken an active role in my weight loss; I record every single thing that I eat, every BLT (bite, lick, and taste) in my handy iPhone app. My problem is that I love to snack and that I am addicted to chocolate. It doesn’t matter if it is white, milk or dark if it is chocolate I am going to eat it. I have to teach myself how to properly eat now, I still want satisfaction from eating but the most important thing about eating is that it is for nutritional purposes. Instead of indulging with every meal, I now eat for nutrition. Also if I know that I will be going out for dinner I plan my day accordingly. I know that I have a long journey ahead of me and that this is not just a diet, it is a lifestyle change that I need to instill for the rest of my life.



Who’s Ready For Some Honesty?

I know that I haven’t shared in awhile, mainly because I have been struggling with whether I should share this with the whole three people who read this. I have finally come to the conclusion that I need to share this part of myself because, sadly, it is one of the things that I have struggled with the majority of my life. Instead of going about this all alone I want to share this battle with all of you. Recently I read Jemima J by Jane Green, some of you may have read this and found it to be the wrong message for women but it really hit me hard. Here is someone that is willing to take chances and does not allow fear to stop her. It was the deciding factor for me. I need to share my story. We all make New Year’s resolutions that we stop smoking, be kind to others, but the one that we all make is to lose weight. I know that I have made that resolution for many years so instead of waiting for the New Year to begin I am changing now. I have struggled with my weight for many years. I have been telling myself that I am okay with being large. Big is beautiful. But big is not healthy. There are many things that I wish to do in my life and in order to be able to accomplish them all I need to live a long life. I want to have children and grandchildren, and if the fates decide that I should be lucky enough great grandchildren. So instead of sitting on my duff and just wishing these pounds would fall off of me I am going to actively make a change. See ya sodas, goodbye sweets, hello life. I am tired of being limited by my size. I want to be able to volunteer and not have to worry about my size getting in the way. I will be honest, I am not huge but if I continue with my current habits I will be. So here I sit now, having tried all the diets out there. If you want an honest opinion I am the one to go to. But here is the absolute truth, DIETS DO NOT WORK!! There is no quick fix to weight loss. It is about eating less and moving more. The weight did not just show up overnight, it was a long process and my process to lose it will be long. It will be full of tears and hard work but hopefully through all of the pain I will be able to become healthy.

There are many people in my life that I know that also struggle with weight loss and we have come together and decided that enough is enough. We have made the excuses and now it is the time for change. Our excuses were made out of laziness and out of fear. Taking on this kind of change is hard. It is easy to stay in your everyday life because it is comfortable. You don’t have to deal with life if you just continue everyday without taking a risk. It is easy to stay in the routine but this routine will kill me. I am cutting days off of my life by eating the way that I do. I know that this journey will be one of the most difficult ones that I make. It is going to be hard but I am thankful that I have a support system around me that will cheer me on when I do well and will kick my ass into shape if I slip up. We are a team. We are The Fatbusters.



Finals

The time has come where I must give up sleep. It is that time again, FINALS WEEK. I cannot begin to express the pure hatred that I have about finals week. I hate how professors load you up with so much work. But that is okay, just to spite you I will make my paper the longest and most dense thing you have ever read. HAHAHA!!! If I had to guess the number of pages that I have typed these last two weeks I would have to say it has passed the 100 page mark. My brain is fried, my body aching, and my ass numb. I sit here and type, type, type. I will not miss Wells, Milton, or Chaucer. They have made my life HELL this semester. But, on a good note, my search for a grad school just got a little easier. I think I have found the one. Now do I want to take some time off or go straight into it? I’m afraid that if I take time off I won’t go back. Looks like I need to set up an appointment with admissions. Right now I should be working on a paper about John Milton and his depiction of Satan but here I am a complete procrastinator. It is almost over. I cannot wait until 2:30 this Friday. I will have presented my paper over the evolution of the mad scientist and society’s acceptance of scientific advancements. Now I just have to write it. Wish me luck!!

Learning

This week has been extremely hard for me. I don’t know what I would have done without my father. He has been able to help with hard times and I am very thankful for that. He has been here for me as I work through the process of understanding why I feel the way I do. He has never judged me or told me how I should feel. His understanding and love has made me feel as if my feelings are important. He has helped me to understand that I do hold people up to high expectations and when they fail to meet them I instantly pass judgment. It is something that I am working on.  I cannot change those around me, I can only change the way I deal with them. Instead of pushing them away I need to accept them for who they are. It is not my place to change them; a person has to want to change.

As I mentioned when I started this website, I will always be honest. I will not hold back out of fear. Yes, I will make mistakes and I will be harsh on those around me but it is my process of dealing. I am not a perfect person and I no longer want to be a perfect person. Trying for perfection will only lead to disappointment. I will accept life for how it is and I will continue to strive to do well for others. I know that I will be selfish in the future but everyone needs to be a little selfish. I can no longer spend my time worrying about other people. I need to think about the way that I want to live my life and not put so much energy into the lives of others.